Late night thoughts...

God has recently been showing me how broken I am. I have come to realize that much of what I do, even if the results are good or holy, are out of my selfish motives. Many times I do things that I know will have a good result simply in order for others to see me and have a higher opinion of me. I believe that I am struggling with a very dangerous form of pride-- one in which even things that I do for the kingdom or for others I am really doing for personal gain. I am a people-pleaser to the max. Sure I'll take the backseat of the car, or the smaller brownie, but my motivation isn't for the other person's comfort or enjoyment of the brownie, but rather my motivation is for them to recognize my 'servants heart' or even just for more respect.
Maybe I shouldn't be so worried about my motivation as long as the good things are being done right? I believe the kingdom can be expanded and glorified even by people with bad intentions, but that is not who I want to be. When reading Philippians 2 this week (one of my favorite chapters), I read verse 7 (He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.) in a very different way. Christ was made in human likeness. This human likeness took the very nature of a servant. If we are to look at Christ as the ultimate example, then in the same way should be taking on the very nature of a servant. Because that is what Christ did. Because that is what humanity was meant to look like.
Christianity always seems to turn things upside down by claiming first shall be last, the least shall be the greatest and so on. I have always taken that as just that-- Christ establishing a new kingdom in which all the pretenses of power and wealth become meaningless. When I look at it in light of Philippians 2, however, I see that Christ was saying this not only because it gives people the warm fuzzies when they help someone out, but because when we are living a life of self-sacrifice and service we are truly living out what it means to be human.
I am writing this really late at night and I don't know if it really makes sense, but that is what is going through my head right now so I am writing it down. Thanks for reading it despite my ramblings and nonsensical sentences.

Love is Power

God,
Your love is power. As I sit here in stillness and submission, your love envelopes me. Your blood washes over me replacing all my fear and failure with hope and renewal. I cast my worries upon you out of frustration and despair—and you gather them up, freeing me and instilling peace beyond my comprehension. You take my life full of guilt, and leave me with the gift of salvation. O yes God! Your love is power!
So make me your servant. I am your vessel to do with as you wish. Help me do nothing out of my own selfish ambition, but rather let me be humble and lift others above myself. I wish to be a light on a hill—not hidden from anything, but rather proclaiming truth to all who will hear. Let me be your hands and feet. Help me mourn for those in sorrow, care for the weak and feeble, and love the unlovable. Help me listen to the meek, and calm the conflicted.
Lord I want to pursue all that is holy. I will flee from temptation and love all that is good. I will stand up for the persecuted, fight against injustices, and pray for those who prey on the innocent. I want to be unshakable and immovable. God give me wisdom, strength, and love so that I may become the man of God that you have intended for me to be. Show me where to go and I will go bearing you love O God.
Amen.