Change

Lately when I look at my spiritual life I see many different things. I see a man who goes before the Lord in prayer regularly. I see a man who enjoys having deep conversations, especially when they lead to new ways to look at things or a theological revelation. I see a man who tries to do the right thing most of the time; one who usually does his best to avoid evil and to cling to what is good. I also see a man who genuinely cares for people. These are good things, and the devil hates them all.

Some other things that I see in myself, however, are not so good. I see someone who turns to his own knowledge and thoughts rather than turning to God’s word. I see someone who still struggles with pride, selfishness, lust, insecurities, and laziness (among many other things). In fact I believe that I had myself pretty much figured out last year when I told my roommate Stephen, “I think I have perfected the art of not under achieving, but achieving exactly what is expected of me and nothing more.” I believe this not only describes me in my schoolwork, but also in my spiritual life. That, brothers and sisters, is not a healthy spiritual life.

In reality I am not even achieving what is expected of me spiritually. Maybe I am good emphasizing the things that I do well so others will see me as a ‘solid’ Christian. Maybe I can throw a nugget of wisdom out there from time to time that God uses to challenge or help someone. In the end, however, I am not achieving what Christ has been calling me to achieve all along. I am not pursuing him the way I would pursue the best birthday present ever, or even an attractive female. I get close enough to God to say “I’m on the right path” and that is about it. Jesus doesn’t call us to be moderate Christians. He doesn’t have a little goal sheet that we can complete while we are down here on earth. Rather he has called us to daily submit ourselves to him and his purpose in order to understand his love more fully. It is a race that will never be finished until we meet our father face to face.

My lukewarm living has been eating away at me lately. I just thought I would share and see if anyone can relate with me.


Love you!