In the Mind of a Killer

Read the whole thing... It is sad but powerful

Happy Birthday Alex! He heard them cry. “What a pitifully happy family,” Alex thought to himself. He couldn’t imagine why they were putting on a party for him, the outcast of the family. His two little brothers ran up and gave him a hug as he shrugged his backpack onto the floor next to the door, “Why can’t they just leave me alone?” he asked himself as he bounded up the stairs to his room, where he promptly locked the door. Finally, some peace and quiet; why can’t it always be quiet? Didn’t they understand that he would rather celebrate his birthday without them? A knock at the door. “Alex,” his mother says gently, “just because you are fourteen now doesn’t mean that you can shut out your family.” Alex notes that the knock tonight came earlier than normal; probably because Dad is on a business trip, or maybe it’s because it was his birthday. Regardless, he didn’t want to endure what was sure to be a long dinner with plenty of chatter, so he simply turned up his headphones and continued his game of Mortal Combat. He couldn’t believe that his parents took away his copy of the game as well as his favorite Marilynn Manson CD! It took him nearly 2 months to save up the money to have his friends go buy him new copies to hide. That is when he bought the lock for his room as well. Pretty soon the smell of roast beef and potatoes becomes too strong for his empty stomach to ignore. Alex finally had to give in and head down to his waiting mother and brothers. “Tony, would you like to say grace?” his mother asked. Tony readily bowed his head, squeezing his eyes shut with such zeal that Alex could make out pre-mature crow’s feet etching their way out from beneath his brother’s shaggy brown hair. Alex couldn’t understand his little brother’s joy found in praying. Little Tony’s prayer rambled on from blessing the food, to Dad’s safe trip home, to asking God to make Mom say yes next time he asks to have a sleepover. All the while Alex sat inattentively picking at his food wondering why anyone would waste their time talking to a God that surely wasn’t there. Alex knew the game though. Pray, go to church, learn the songs, and in return he received good food and more trust from his parents. The acting was worth the reward. And, for the most part, Alex was a great actor. After dinner Alex promptly went upstairs. Gaming had become a full-time job. In reality, he would rather spend his time doing almost anything rather than spend time with his family. Why did they have to be so persistent? It couldn’t have been too long after they finished the dishes that the knocking began again at his door. “Alex,” it was Marcus this time, “time to open your presents!” Alex was downstairs in record time. It wasn’t every day that the whole family gathered together for the sake of watching Alex receive expensive gifts from his parents. Plus, if he was getting what he asked for (a portable CD player), it would definitely be worth it to leave his bedroom. Alex went and sat in the big comfy birthday chair in the center of the room. His mother and two brothers sat on the couch eagerly waiting for him to open the gifts before him. He tore through the first two, a hat from Marcus, and a DC Talk CD from Tony. Next came the gift from his dad. He had no idea what his dad would get him. All he knew was that it would be something that would give his dad a good excuse to spend more time with him, maybe a football or something. It only took a few rips into the wrapping paper to make out the words ‘Remington’ and ‘rifle’ peeking through. “A gun?” Alex thought, “why would I want a gun?” His dad hunted deer every year, but never invited Alex, instead preferring to go with his college friends—it was tradition. Alex had a hard time believing that his dad was openly inviting him. It was probably his mom’s idea... whatever. He had one more gift to open, from his mother. It was the right shape, the right weight, yes! There it was! His new portable CD player! He quickly thanked his brothers and his mom and made his way back to his room with his presents, much to their dismay. Back to the music. Back to the gaming. This time, with a new CD player. Life was good. Knock. Knock. “You got to be kidding me!” Alex yelled at the perpetrator of his privacy. “We are watching a movie downstairs if you care to join us,” Tony said meekly, scared of his older brother’s raised voice. “Start without me,” replied Alex. He had no interest in joining his family for a movie. In fact, his brother’s interruption at the door may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back. He would have to look for an opportunity to beat on his brothers when his mom wasn’t looking. Back to gaming. “One more interruption…” Alex thought as he jabbed his controller harder and harder, staring at the screen with dulled, troubled eyes. “Alex!,” he heard his mom call from downstairs, “we are waiting!” “COMING!” Alex growled, looking around the room for something to throw in his anger. That is when his eyes caught the rifle propped up in the corner of his room. He hurried down the hall to his parents room, opened the closet where the safe stood, always unlocked. He quickly loaded his gun, filled with adrenaline and an indescribable fury. He would rid himself of the annoyances in the basement once and for all! He quietly made his way to the top of the stairs. Looking down he could see all three of them sitting on the couch with their backs to him. He would go from left to right—Marcus, Mom, Tony. He leveled the rifle on the railing, took off the safety, aimed, POP! POP! POP!.... POP! POP! He hit Marcus in the knee with his first shot. He quickly took care of his mom and Tony with two well aimed shots to the head and neck before turning back to silence a screaming Marcus with two more shots. Alex tried to slow his breathing to no avail. His whole body trembled with a mix of satisfaction and regret. He did it. He finally took the lives of those who loved him most. Maybe the only ones that loved him, other than his dad... His dad! His flight would be landing about this time which gave Alex about an hour to decide what to do next! Alex rushed back up to his bedroom, face flush, terror creeping in after realizing that his life would never be the same again. He had to do something. He had to fix this! How did he ever get to this point? What drove him to murder? He looked around the room with sobering eyes. Violent video games lay strewn on his floor. Violent music continued to play softly on his CD player. He had to get rid of this stuff—it was from the devil! He threw his CD player to the floor, piling it with games and CDs. Grabbing the sledge hammer from the garage, he smashed his electronics beyond recognition, knowing that it really didn’t fix anything. He needed to fix it all. He would have to do it the only way he knew how—with the Remington. With tears in his eyes and blood on his hands he wrote post-it notes to his father explaining everything. He couldn’t live with himself knowing that he killed the ones he loved. He couldn’t live with himself knowing he broke his father’s heart and ruined their lives forever. With that, he set the notes throughout the upstairs of the house and went back to his room to wait. He wept, he prayed, and he cursed until he heard the tell-tale sign of the garage door opener marking his dad’s arrival. He briefly debated whether he should throw himself into his father’s arms begging for forgiveness, but the moment he heard the door close as his father entered the house, his decision became easy enough. POP! Alex’s father was greeted with silence when he entered the house. It wasn’t what he expected, seeing as it was Alex’s birthday. It wasn’t until he made it through the entryway that the familiar smell of a recently fired gun hit his nostrils. Immediate panic set in. He ran to the living room where his family lay as they had fallen. His heart instantly broke as he became a puddle of a man on the floor next to his wife. “Who would do this?” he cried softly, then, a few seconds later, “where is my other son?” He gathered himself, determined to find his son alive, hiding in a closet as a witness to the brutal murder of his family. He slowly made his way upstairs to Alex’s lair, well aware that the all-too-familiar smell was getting stronger again. It only took a peek into the room to confirm his worst nightmare and cause another breakdown. It was then that he saw the trail of notes; the notes that confirmed the destruction of his life and the murder of all those that he loved. His life would never be the same.


As some of you know, this is a true story. Yes, I added a creative flair to the situation, but Alex actually committed these crimes. His little brother Marcus was my brother's best friend until he was ten years old-- until his death. This is an extremely depressing story and brought many tears to my eyes while I was writing it, but I think it is necessary to point out that we need to be careful of what we fill our minds with. Now I am not suggesting that we avoid seeing any form of violence or refuse to hear any sort of vulgarity. that is not realistic. What I am suggesting, however, is that we prayerfully consider the things that we fill our day with. Is it wholesome? Is it worthwhile? What are we thinking about? While very few people think about committing such violent acts, Sin can manifest itself in much smaller ways when we are not diligent with our time. When we are not intentional, our thoughts can become selfish or prideful. or perhaps we become more lazy or more prone to anger. I love A.W. Tozer's quote:

"Sow a thought, reap an action
Sow an action, reap a habit
sow a habit, reap a lifestyle
sow a lifestyle, reap a destiny"

Philippians 4:8-- "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

1 Thessalonians 5:22-- "Avoid every kind of evil"

Francis of Assisi-- "Preach always and seldom use words."