Why God?

God tells us to do certain things to stretch us and grow us. He tells us these things because he cares for us, his creation.  Sometimes he may even want us to do something for someone else without ever seeing any fruit of our labor. That is something that I struggle with. Sometimes I selfishly wish God wouldn't tell me to do things. Life would be so much easier if I only had to worry about myself or those that I love. Sometimes I think that life would be so much safer if we didn’t have to reach out to strangers, if we didn’t have to bring truth to the lost, or if we didn’t have to submit to the Lordship of Christ.

You tracking with me? I am pretty sure the majority of people working in global missions context are not doing so because it is the easy thing to do. Most evangelists don’t talk with strangers about Christ because they simply love conversation with strangers. An example from my life—a few years ago I worked as a lifeguard. I worked the morning shift 4 days a week. That meant getting up at 4 AM to get ready and drive 15 minutes and be at work by 4:45. 2 days each week I would spend as the only lifeguard on duty and spent much of my time reading or pacing the pool deck. The other 2 days, however, there was a morning swim class that would come in. The teacher of this class was a fellow lifeguard and we would spend about an hour each of those mornings in conversation. I soon learned that he and I were not on the same page on matters of God. This soon became a common focal point of our conversations; we had many good talks about God. This continued for about 3 months, and my friend and I had exchanged phone numbers in an effort to hang out outside of work (we were both students at NDSU, so we could hang out between classes and such). The Lord had laid it heavily upon my heart that I should be actively witnessing to my friend, and I felt like I was doing a decent job. The ‘accept God or go to hell’ conversation has never been my strong suit, as I prefer to let my actions and relationship building help with my credibility before having the humbling conversation about sin and our depravity. Nonetheless, I felt like my friend and I had built enough trust, so I was planning on inviting him to church. I put it off for a week, then two, and then my family came into town so it turned into 3 weeks. I had every intention on inviting him to church, thinking that seeing a healthy body of believers might be the nudge he needed to turn to God. 

I arrived at work that Tuesday waiting to see Jacob’s smiling face and a box of donuts or some other pastry that he seemed to always bring in with him. He never showed. I called my boss to let her know that he never came in and went about guarding. A few hours later my boss comes in crying. Jacob had committed suicide. My friend, the one God had entrusted me to witness to, killed himself. The questions started coming then: Why? Why would he kill himself? Why didn’t he cry out for help? What could I have done? Why did God impress upon my heart that I should witness to him if he knew that he would commit suicide? If I had invited him to church sooner would it have happened?

I wrestled with guilt, sorrow, and confusion for about a month. Suicide has reared its ugly head several times in the past within my family and friends. Each time people look for answers that simply aren’t there. People get lonely. People are full of sin. People cry out for help. People give up. People make mistakes. Kids that seem to have their life together can end their life with one bullet. It is always heartbreaking.

Did God impress upon my heart to witness to Jacob? Yes. Was I obedient? Mostly. Did I feel terrible after Jacob’s death? Certainly. Did Satan have his hand in Jacob’s death? I wouldn’t doubt it. Is God using this situation for good? Most definitely. God’s power cannot be measured and his plans cannot be thwarted. Sometimes I selfishly wish God wouldn’t task me with things, because I fear rejection, I fear being looked at as strange, I fear failure. The thing is, God is in the business of turning weakness into strength, turning outcasts into heroes, and turning failures into victories. 

That is where missionaries find their strength and determination to evangelize in the face of persecution. This hope is what provides the boldness to reach out to a stranger as you pass them on the street. That is why in the midst of sorrow and pain, we can find hope and rest in Christ. Failure hurts. Rejection hurts. Death hurts. One thing I know, though, is that God loves me just as he loves the Jacobs of the world. I am not saying that Jacob is in heaven, only God knows that; and I am not saying that hell is not a real place or that nobody will be there. All I know is that I can trust in the Lord’s plan and do the things that he calls me to do. He clothes the flowers in the fields and feeds the birds of the air—how much more does he care for us, the firstfruits of his creation?
Serving God will stretch and grow you. You may never see the fruits of your labors here on earth. There will be times where you will wish for an easy life. A life without service. A life without risk, and without persecution. Instead, take heart in knowing that the Lord is good. His love endures, and his plans never fail.